Catch up

So it is has been a couple days since my last post.

They have not been good days.
They have been days filled mostly with sleep and very vivid dreams (many of them nightmares).
They have been days filled with panic attacks, anxiety, depression, and misery.
I have gotten to a point where I don't want to do anything anymore. I feel too tired and too weak and too miserable to drive, or shop, or even eat or drink unless I am hungry or thirsty and since I am nauseous so much of the time these days I don't get hungry or thirsty.

My mom is horribly worried about me, that I am not taking care of myself so she keeps asking my friends to come take care of me but I have gotten to the point where other people coming over makes me worse, it makes me drug myself to sleep just so I don't have to deal with them.
I don't want to see people pity me anymore, or them annoyed or bored by me while I sit on the couch or in bed all day doing nothing, cause I don't have the ability to do anything.
I feel awful by myself, but with other people involved I feel really worthless, I not only waste my life but now I am wasting their time and life too.

I just seem to be getting sicker and sicker. There normally are up points but not anymore that I can see. And a part of me keeps saying I should try to go out to the movies or to the club, but I am just to tired or weak to go through with any of it. I can't do it on my own and I don't want to ask anyone else to come with me because I have to cancel half the time and then I deal with being a drain on my friends.

I just feel lost and so miserable. At this point it seems easier to just sit alone and be miserable and not try. If I try I fail most of the time, so I am just done trying...