Hi all and happy 4th of July!!
Today wasn't too bad a day to begin with. Not too much pain or dizziness and only a lil depression on and off, at least that was most of the day. In the evening I was missing NY traditions for 4th of July and my family and so I decided to try and find some fireworks.
First I found out that the Bush (41) Presidential Library does something every year but that it changes and sometimes the former President comes. So I decided to check the website and the events page for the 4th of July had been hacked by some *sshole. It was all messed up and said "this page has been hacked by "so and so" (the jerk does not deserve recognition by me!) the bla bla Saudi something or other and they has a whole bunch of stuff in Arabic. I was so angry I was crying... you want to hack the Presidential Library to prove something whatever, hack the history of wine exhibit or the back to school events NOT THE BIRTHDAY OF MY COUNTRY!!!
Next mom got me under control and convinced me to go check it out even without any foreknowledge of what was going on so I threw on some blue jeans and a red tank top and did some pretty sparkly make up (blue and white eyes and red lips) and got out the door and on the road.
On my way to there I found out that half the road was blocked and everyone was supposed to park at Reed Arena or the West Campus Garage and walk or take a shuttle to the Fireworks. So pulling in I start to get anxious and worried about having to be reliant on the shuttles and such. But mom convinced me to try it so I get out in the 90's degree weather and 98% humidity and head to the shuttle.
I get to the Library and there are people everywhere and lots of lil kids with glowy things and I start walking around checking it all out. There was a full band/orchestra playing patriotic music and some lights on in the parking lot. I walked around and sent some texts and didn't see anyone I knew and the food was all sold out and I was getting pretty hungry and the heat and humidity was starting to get to me so I thought maybe I should just go.
Then I saw a big hot air balloon getting blown up and I walked across the parking lot to check it out and on my way I got stared at a lot and I tried saying "howdy" and I got some strange looks and a couple "ah hi"s. I hate walking around the south alone... no one can figure out why you are alone and they all stare and you cause in a herd culture with herd mentality to be alone is to be a renegade or anarchist or something. When healthy that wouldn't really have bothered me, but now it makes me edgy and paranoid which I really hate feeling but can't seem to stop so after watching the balloon finish blowing up I decide to leave.
As I am walking towards the shuttle stop the lights all go out, and I figure that if the fireworks are going to start I might as well stay for a lil bit. But of course the fire works didn't start. We had more inspirational patriotic music and then a tribute to the armed forces. First the Army and the announcer says stand for the US Army OK. Then Anchors away starts and the announcer says stand for the Air Force so I start laughing hysterically big mistake cause now I am getting stared at more so I keep walking. Then Halls of Montezuma starts and even before I can think about it, and before the announcer has a chance to say please stand for the Marine Corps, I stop moving and am standing at attention. I start singing quietly under my breath and it is only a little nostalgic and I think I am doing OK, then some guy near by looks at me and says "are you a Marine?". That broke me. I shook my head and walked away towards the shuttles and the heat and humidity and my broken heart (figurative) broke my heart (literally). I started having trouble breathing and when I got the shuttles I wasn't feeling well but I knew I didn't want to go to the hospital so the event EMT's were not an option. The shuttles though weren't running anymore, cause the minute I got there the first fireworks burst and the shuttles weren't going to run till they were done. But no one could tell me how long they would be and I felt sick and NEEDED to get to my car.
SO I started walking... I forgot it is at least a mile back to the WCG. UGH!! (and insert your favorite curse here :)
About half way through I called my mom, I'm dying of heat and sweat, not breathing correctly and sure my heart rate is at the very least 100 if not 115; she first starts asking questions and trying to convince me the EMT's aren't going to do what I know they will do... I didn't take it well I started crying. Once I get it explained I need a distraction cause I am convinced I am going to puke or pass out or both.
But I made it I walked the whole damn thing and by the time I got there I still didn't feel so good but I lot better then when I felt like I was going to die.
I then went shopping cause I really need some stuff and 3/4 through that my blood pressure decided it wanted to make up for my tachycardia from earlier and plummeted to my shoes. So now I feel dizzy and sick (you know like I might pass out or puke or both) but it is different from your heart rate exploding you just have to know it.
At the end of the day though I am home and alive and relatively OK feeling and going to go to bed soon... but that insanely long story of crap actually constitutes one of the best or at least most active days I have had in weeks, so I guess things are looking up?
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