Tuesday, September 27, 2011

looking to find inner peace without falling to pieces...


I spent most of my life, before I got sick, living on adrenaline.  Whether I was bouncing around happy, experiencing intense sports, or charging head first, into a fight or cause, driven by anger and righteous indignation I was generally all high energy.  Since I got sick and had adrenal fatigue (as well as every other type of fatigue thanks to my mitochondrial DNA not producing ATP's/energy molecules) I have found myself having to deal with being down/ low energy (sad/depressed/exhausted) more often then not.  
Also now that my "fight or flight syndrome" jump starts my pain conditions I have been learning to let go of my anger as well as stay away from adrenaline sports and even looked into meditation (though as a type A personality I seem to be physically unable to sit still and "let go" of my thoughts and mind).
So I am looking into Tai Chi and/or Yoga.... any suggestions?
Interestingly it is actually my messed up brain I have to thank for being willing to even keep looking.  I have never been very interested in meditation (though mostly because I have never been able to sit still and "empty my mind".  But a few months back I had a couple weeks of very intense "emotional lability syndrome".  I would swing, within a matter of hours, from extreme depression and or rage, that had me screaming and even worried about injuring myself on purpose, to being absolutely calm and centered and totally focused on whatever I was working on or needed to get done.  It was a feeling I had almost never felt before in my life.  It wasn't anything like I had thought or worried meditation might be (and I know it will take years before I can simply get to that place of my own volition, without my brain chemicals tripping me down the rabbit hole) but I think that level of focus would be an asset in any situation and would only help or augment my personality not change it the way I had worried about in the past.

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