that old feeling

I didn't write for a couple of days and once again my excuse is the same... way too much pain and misery to deal with writing.
But today was different, after 2 days of bad sleep and bad dreams I got a nice complete 10-12 hours. And when I woke up though tired and heavy feeling I was pretty much OK. Then throughout most of the day I just had this overwhelming feeling from inside that I was detoxing... that I was on the rode to recovery ... that things had finally, after months of relapse, had turned a corner. The feeling faded a bunch later on but I also got a bunch of exercise today and while I was getting it there was this tiny little part of me that felt like the old me. Now I didn't do anything a tenth of what the old me would so on a regular basis and my body was very mad at me and sore after wards which didn't help me keep the feeling but it was there for a lil while. I am just trying to hold on to both feelings as much as I can and hoping that just continuing what I have been doing the last few weeks and keeping up the muscle work (what very little I am able to) will keep me moving down that "right path" and I will get back to that place I was two years ago when I was really in remission... and maybe just maybe go even farther for once. When I first got sick they said I was young and extremely healthy before getting hit so it shouldn't take more than 2-5 years to get better. Well we are getting to 5 years now, and my relapses haven't helped anything but I am hoping that today is a sign that I can do it and not too far off schedule either.
Here's praying and hoping I can keep the happy thoughts (something I am not always very good at :)
TTY'allL