been a while

Ok so I know I am not good at keeping up with this thing, but when you are really sick and really miserable it is hard to keep up with anything so even though this is supposed to be about my life dealing with this illness, when the illness is at its worst I prob won't be keeping up well.

So I left Texas and moved back to NYC. The trip itself almost killed me (puking at least 3-5 times a day, no hunger, no thirst, sick every time I drank anything, unending pain, and depression, trouble even walking or standing) I got back to NYC and the symptoms continued and my back and neck were so bad I couldn't sleep some nights.

I spent at least 2 nights tossing and turning spasmodically all night I was afraid I was having seizures.

I finally got a couple OK afternoons/evenings and saw a movie with a good friend and then again with my dad and mom for my dad's birthday.

Then I crashed again. It has been two weeks or more and I still haven't been able to see a chiropractor, I am miserable and sleeping all day for the last two days and can't seem to do much of anything during the few hours when I am up.

The new apartment looks great and does have more room technically but there is a prob with the AC in the loft and since I have been too sick when I am awake or mom is asleep on the floor right by me I haven't been able to do any cleaning or oganizing and mom is working full time and over time since the day we got back the apartment is crowded and a mess.

I was supposed to come back so that I could get better and mom could take care of me, but she is working and I am a strain and I am not getting any better (maybe, likely worse) and I feel like a burden and an unhelpful lazy lump.

I am just to tired and depressed and the pain doesn't seem to stop... I hate this so much
I used to have a full and pretty good, on the way to being a totally fulfilling, life. Now I don't have so much a life but an existance and not a very fun or fulfilling one in any way.